Reflection on Mk 6:34-44 - The loaves and the fish

You surprise us in every way, Lord.

We encounter a huge problem and turn to you. "Lord, this is too big for me, deal with it, take it away from me!"

You tell us: "You deal with it."

Confused, taken aback, we stammer, "But how, Lord? I don't have the means to solve this, I wouldn't even know where to begin?"

You answer, "Go, find out what you have."

We go, investigate our talents, strong points - what do I have?

We come back, having been nicely surprised a few times, but on the whole dejected.

"Lord, I don't know what to do with those. How are these little things ever going to solve such a huge problem?"

You take them, present them into your Kingdom, bless them;
set them back before us, in this world.

And all ate and were filled.

(Kristien)

A God of Change

Looking back at my experiences of the last months and years I'm convinced that our God is a God of change, of transformation.

Yes, surely, he created order out of chaos, or so it is described in Genesis 1. But I often have the feeling that people see the creator as this businessman: He launched a project and now he's managing what he brought into being, so that it can run efficiently and successfully.

But I like to see God more as an artist. Someone who's enthusiastic and curious, who wants to spread joy and thus, starts to create.

Sometimes he is so focused and pays attention to every detail, and then all his patterns are in harmony, correspondent to one another. And sometimes he takes five buckets of colour and throws it all on a canvas. This kind of art is just as beautiful but has to be seen and understood with other eyes.

I imagine God as tactic yet playful. And with another empty canvas lurking just around the corner at his big house. Who knows what's next?

God as well as his creation has many facets and is not set in stone, but is in motion. And we are part of it! So we don't have to be afraid of transformation, or being transformed ourselves - since, in the end, our God is a God of Love as well as Change.

(Miriam)

Zurück (3)

Yesterday I finally really arrived at home, at Berlin. I stayed some days longer in Laufdorf, then I visited a friend in Dortmund and finally I was part of a preparation meeting for the upcoming ev. Kirchentag.

To be honest the time in Laufdorf hasn’t been that easy for me. A lot of things challenged me and I sometimes had the feeling as if I found more questions than answers.

But looking closer now I think i just expected the wrong kind of answer. I wanted so many Yesses, but got a lot of Nos. But maybe that’s not a bad thing after all.

No, small villages might just be too small for me. No, I’m not a good liturgist, I’m far too nervous for that. No, I’m not much of a people person, so I’ll propably never join a community. No, I don’t understand everybody out there and I don’t have the same wavelenght with all people.

Maybe these Nos can even be turned into Yesses: Yes, it’s good that I live in Berlin. Yes, it’s good that I made art my goal in life, I’m usually happiest when I can serve my fellow human beings in that way. Yes, I feel good with the people I let close, I chose my friends wisely.

Yes, I got to know myself over the last couple of years. I made good choices and took care of myself. I think I can be proud of that.

(Miriam)

168 hours

One week has passed by since I left the community.

One week filled with life and noise in holiday care.

One week and many words getting over the distance between countries in milliseconds.

One week and about a thousand thougts and feelings.

Time flies and soon it´ll be much more than less than 200 hours. But all the time, already passed by, made me remember all the moments of our time again and again. Telling the other people of my life about our time and my experiences and thoughts. Different people require different depth and thats okay- as long as I can remember everything and all the feelings and thoughts in particular!

-Sophia. x

In prayer

Making a prayer on your own in a train is fairly difficult (I didn't manage to try it). However at 6.30pm I was at home and it felt just wrong not to have the evening prayer - even if it was just me. So I upgraded my livingroom-chapel and sat down for prayer. Then I realised.

In prayer, we are still connected together, even if we cannot hear the other voices being sung.

In prayer, we are all united with God, no matter where we are, no matter the distance.

In prayer, from the very beginning we connected, without requiring any direct contact.

In prayer, we laid the foundation of our community life, and when things got rough, they could be healed in prayer.

In prayer, we found each other, despite our differences, despite our likenesses.

In prayer, we received the strength and love to reach out and welcome others to prayer.

In prayer, we connected even with people unknown, who would come to us afterwards and tell us what moved them deeply and personally.

In prayer, we encountered God, we encountered one another, we encountered others still, we encountered ourself.

In prayer, a shared silence could express a thousand warm feelings. It could give me love, peace, joy, liberation; all without a single word, a single movement.

In prayer, we are still connected.
And I am incredibly thankful for that.

(Kristien)

Zurück (2)

How do you get back into the rythm of the everyday life when everything seems the same yet different?
Deep gratitude and loss are intertwining, impossible to seperate one from the other.
Who would've thought the biggest challenge comes only after the experience, in trying to find a new way, expressing and incorporating somehow in my daily life the changes deep within me, seeing with new eyes, with a new heart?
(Kristien)

Zurück

A few hours ago I arrived back home. 

Back in my apartment, in the room I left five weeks ago without knowing anything. 

Without any expactation about this month, the people I met or the work I did.

And now, just a few weeks later, it feels like it has completely changed. 

Well, not entirely, but something has changed within me. 

I can´t name it yet. 

I have no idea, what is growing inside me- but I am quite sure, that it will be something good. 

What or when? 

Maybe it´s nothing that matters, because I can trust in myself and in him, that it will be good.

- Sophia

thoughts about communities

We are three very different persons – and yet we care about one another, we try to be as considerate with one another as possible. Even though we don’t always understand the other’s opinion we still find each other again – could be in the next prayer, maybe during the next song, or even just when we start washing the dishes.

Thinking about this I experience a deep affirmation. I can be just as I am: I can have my opinion, my strenghts and weaknesses, my background, my biography, my wounds and problems, my beauty and my victories. And I’m welcome, just the way I am. It’s not necessary to change something or to be completely understood; completely accepted is enough.

All in all I experience a light-hearted giving and taking, both parts so interwined with one another that self love and the love to the other person can feel indistinguishable at times.

(Miriam)

A provisional song

There are already a few words
of this song
- our song.
What does a provisional community
 need more,
than a provisional song,
which fits perfectly in the feeling.

Not just the feeling
during the time,
but also those
before
and probably
also afterwards.

No one
knows
or can tell,
what this month
will be like.
If someone has told me,
it will be this way...
I don't know,
if I could have imagined
this.

The way it is
right now
is definitely
very special.

Small provisional community
is turning into
the feeling of
deep friendship.

And just
because
we three
trust in Him.

(Sophia)

Many Encounters

Last week a small Ukrainian group joined us. They’re staying in the house we’re living in, too. The group consists largely of teenagers who were affected in some way by the conflict between Russia and the Ukraine. The reason why they’re here is a seminar about nonviolent communication .

We were all quite excited beforehand: How will it be, having even more people with a different background staying with us? Will we get along, despite these differences? And what about all the generations meeting each other? We, in our 20s, the people from the Laurentiuskonvent, themselves parents or even grandparents, and the teenagers? In the end such encounters can be hard, can be beautiful, can be both.

Now they are here and what can I say? In enjoy having them here so much. They fill this house with their presence, with their songs, with their laughter. Silently they also fill this house with everything painful they experienced. But as this belongs to them, too, and as I’m happy to share now these ten days they are staying with us, I find it important to feel this pain, too, at least a fraction of it.

(Miriam)